Nov

Death by Alligator Shark Snake or the Kardashians?

Bonita Springs Shark Gator Snake Python Attacks

For as long as I’ve been a real estate agent there’s been a variety of common questions consumers ask which seem to never go away. Besides the common real estate questions regarding purchasing are selling, there are the questions about critters and hurricanes.

Southwest Florida has been blessed with a few storm free years. Short of the deluge of rain last week, we’ve escaped the storms and the end of hurricane season is just around the corner. The whole “flooding” question, of course, comes up from time to time. Yes, there have been a few areas with standing water and an occasionally property damage but it’s not a flood of biblical proportion.

Drama makes it to the news on a regular basis because it sells. The last time there were “Bonita Springs has flooded” reports I drove to the couple of streets that flooded and photographed them, videoed the area, screen shot a Google map of exactly where it was and put it on my blog. Why? Well, because technology is awesome and now anyone can publish accurate news. Plus, many of my clients were half a world away needlessly losing sleep over the idea that their homes were under water when they weren’t.

Monsters live in the dark. The lack of information allows the imagination to take off. Folks not familiar with our area only see or hear sound bites of the scariest things. Hurricane this, shark bite that, rattle snakes, gators, water moccasins and now, python snakes “so big they found a whole deer in its belly”.

It’s a miracle there are still any human inhabitants left in Southwest Florida. All this time we might have been tempting fate taking that siesta on the chaise lounge in the back yard.

Recently, another real estate agent in my office asked me how I answer people who ask about death by reptile in Florida. I looked at him and told him the truth, “I have three, yes three, twenty-three year old children born and raised in Southwest Florida. Not one of them has been bitten by a shark, attacked by a gator, strangled by a python or snake bit by a rattler or a moccasin. Believe me, I think they even try … I’ve watched their YouTube channel. Those kids are hilarious.”

Hey, I figure if you have a kid with a duct taped cowboy boot, big dawg, a knife on his hip, NRA card, swamp buggy and an airboat the odds have got to be pretty darn high for becoming a reptile attack statistic … and probably a republican, too.

Now, what will probably eventually happen is some tourist will have a few too many umbrella drinks at The Lake House, loose a bet, do a half gainer into the lake from the deck not realizing there’s a gator down there lying in wait. This attack would simply be a big misunderstanding because he wasn’t lying in wait for people … he was waiting for more hot wings.

A lot of these accidents are just rookie mistakes with a reoccurring theme of consuming copious amounts of alcohol then the brilliant idea of taking a swim in a lake or poking at a snake. I mean, if you juggled knives you could actually get cut. If you get your Cuervo swerve on and swim in a lake in Florida you could get bitten by something plus posthumously win a Darwin Award.

All the fretting over potential critters attacks is a waste of worrying energy. What everyone really should be afraid of is the Kardashian family. There’s a better chance of them causing far more mental anguish and damage to the human race than any Southwest Florida critter ever could.

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Real Life in Bonita Springs is a project by Chris Griffith dedicated to writing useful blog posts for consumers about the Bonita Springs, Florida area. Find out what it is really like to live in Bonita Springs, Florida by reading about our fair city. You’ll get the latest in local real estate information, Bonita Springs real estate market reports and a little bit of humor. If you have topic ideas, feel free to request a story about the idea, after all, this site is just for you.

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